A bride is fuming about a “rude” friend who dropped out of her wedding just a few days beforehand, but didn’t tell her about it.
The newlywed took to Mumsnet, under username Hellomeownow, as she explained she tied the knot last month.
She invited a friend, and his fiancée, who RSVP’d yes, despite them expecting a baby around a month before the wedding.
Hellomeownow said: “She was due to give birth 3/4 weeks before the wedding and the baby was invited but he said they’d see how they feel about bringing the baby.
“I said when they confirmed attendance, obviously if things change after the baby arrives please don’t worry etc.
“Baby born, all is well, lots of Instagram posts of them out with the baby on walks, restaurants etc. They don’t mention the wedding so I assume they are coming.
“Three days before I check in to see if the baby is joining and my friend replies that actually it’s too much for them now and they can’t make it.”
The bride was angry at the lack of communication, rather than the couple having to decline after recently welcoming a newborn.
“I actually don’t mind they didn’t come, I understand why. It’s the not saying anything until I asked them,” she clarified in a comment.
Her post continued: “AIBU to think this was rude to let us know so last minute and only because I followed up?
“I wonder if I had not checked in, would they have just not turned up and their places all set out but empty. They were on the seating plan and we’d paid for their food etc. Never received a card.
“They are getting married in November, overseas and I really cba [can’t be arsed] to go now. Is it just that when you have a baby, everything/one seems trivial?”
Her post, titled “wedding guest drop out—was this rude?” has amassed more than 140 responses, and can be read here, since being posted on Thursday.
People almost unanimously agreed it was in bad taste not to let the newlyweds know they weren’t attending, but some claimed the bride was also acting entitled.
AryaStarkWolf wrote: “Yeah it was rude of them to not let you know.”
Darlene Snell agreed, saying: “Yes totally rude. Having a baby isn’t an excuse not to even communicate on something so important. I wouldn’t bother with their wedding either.”
Notanothertakeaway thought: “I wouldn’t have managed a wedding with such a tiny baby. Going for a short walk / coffee locally is very different from a wedding. They were rude not to let you know they weren’t coming.”
Nowomenaroundeh raged: “They are rude AF. I’d only go to their wedding if I fancied a holiday to that particular place with that particular gang of guests.”
Cookiemonster2468 commented: “It is rude, but they might be completely exhausted and overwhelmed, so go easy on them. Especially if it’s their first child.”
Maireas reckoned: “Exactly this. It maybe just got a bit too much with a newborn. It’s ambitious planning to go to a wedding so soon after a birth. She should have messaged, but cut her some slack.”
Although Anapurna222478063 wrote: “I’d probably put this down to them desperately wanting to come but being totally exhausted and unable to bring themselves to even make a decision to cancel. A little self-absorbed, maybe, but probably given the understandable situation. “
And Iflyaway added: “Basically OP, when someone has a baby your whole world turns upside down… I know. Gave birth at 36 weeks.
“I had no nappies, bath tub, anything in place at the time. He was in ICU. Don’t get on her case at this difficult time. You sound a bit bridezilla, sorry.”
After receiving some negative comments, Hellomeownow, thought to be based in the UK, added in the comments: “It’s not bridezilla to expect basic manners. Just because someone has a baby doesn’t mean the rest of the world stops.
“It’s completely understandable if they couldn’t make it. Just quite rude in the way they went about it.”
The chart below, provided by Statista, shows the ages Brits hit various milestones.
“To be clear—I do not mind they did not come. I understand having a baby is a BIG DEAL and priorities change and you can’t predict how you feel.
“The part I felt was rude was to decide they weren’t coming but not to send a quick text to let us know.
“If you have the time and mental space to post on Instagram (even if it’s for a show as some pps have said), you have time for basic manners for people who have invited and paid for you to be somewhere you said you’d be.”
Sometimes guests need to decline an invite, after already RSVPing yes, as website Brides.com outlined tactful ways to do so.
They stressed: “There is a right and wrong way to do this. A quick phone call to the couple letting them know you care can go a long way. So can sending a meaningful wedding gift or checking in after the festivities to see how they went.”
They acknowledged numerous reasons can force people to be unable to attend suddenly, as they advised letting the bride and groom know you can’t come as early as possible.
And still send a gift even if you can’t make it, as the website quoted etiquette expert Myka Meier, who said: “The reason we send a wedding gift, no matter if you attend or not, is because you want to not only show support for the couple but also show gratitude for being invited.”
Has a wedding come between your relationship with a loved one? Let us know via [email protected]. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.